I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
