yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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