Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
