if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
accomplished twins. life is a go
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
