Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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