Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
