I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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