Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
