Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
