Hey man sorry I got all grabby
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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