trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
