i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
even my farts smell like vagina
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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