its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
