If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
