Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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