Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
