Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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