I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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