I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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