I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
