so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
