Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
