I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
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Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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