is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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