i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
