True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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