And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
