I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
soo... how was my night?
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