we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
