Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
