didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
