Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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