You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
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when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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