His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
