My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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