from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
