why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
