just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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