4 words: hood of his car
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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