once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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