i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
