You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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