Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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