Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
