Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
