I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
