just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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