I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
