That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
