did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
