he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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