tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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