Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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