seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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