i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
