could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
