Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
