Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
