Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
