its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
