you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
