so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
