On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
