You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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