Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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