So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sobbing to NWA
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
