Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
