i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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