I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
