Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
