I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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