She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
