My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
