I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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